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rejoin the gym..check..finally start tanning..check..stop eating like an idiot..double check!!!

RETURN TO SENDER: OR LETTERS TO MYSELF
2/1/98

Dear Dianna,

What the hell were you thinking? How old are you now? 32?
You still have not figured out that eating a family pack of Twix with your Diet Pepsi is not what a sane women does!!

For the love of Gawd women...get a grip on your self!! Get up, right this instant...go to your bedroom and collect all of the forks and empty Sara Lee boxes from your nightstand..deposit them into the trash and vow to never take comfort from such activities again!!

Start loving yourself enough to break these addictions that drag you down and prevent you from being the best you can be!! Call your dealer @ 555-DOMINO and tell him you won't be needing your usual midnight fix..tell the slimy-creep you have reached rock bottom,you are sick and tired of being sick and tired!! and to push his junk on the next block over!! You now live in a "FOOD as A DRUG FREE ZONE!!!!"

Look,I know I am coming down hard on you,but hey,it's for your own good!! I've tried being "easy" and understanding and forgiving...but it is time for TOUGH Love sister.

I want only the best for you!! You are a great chick..you know deep down you really like you,so start acting like it.

xxoo D-

P.S.
Tell your old man we will not be having any of his sabotage..if he wants to stray,let him go..if he doesn't want to be a passenger on the diet wagon ,kick his ass off..be strong girl!!! You can do it!!


02/02/99

I gotta get a new job...the FOOD biz is just not my bag..working in a kitchen in such cramped quarters with so many EGO's and ATTITUDES is just too much for me!!I need a job that is a pleasure to go to each day...when I was a portrait photographer I could not wait to get in the studio!! That was a great job,I never missed one scheduled day in 2 years!! I would drag myself in ,even if I was feeling horrible!!

So,that is on the top of my "to-do" list!!

Today was full of stress,so I did not stay on plan 100% I will do better WED...You know the motto ...NEVER GIVE UP..I may stumble and fall..but I refuse to stay down!!!

02/03/99

A scheduled week- day off:

6:20am: Alarm goes off
dash to mirror to see if the new $32 night cream erased tiny wrinkles and signs of aging in my sleep as promised.

"HEY!! WHERE THE HELL IS MY NEW FACE!!?? This is the OLD one that I went to sleep with!!

6:30am: Shower and DRESS
I caught a glimpse of my naked body in the mirror and realized that I was past the point of out-of-shape...I am simply a stretch-mark with legs!!!!

7:00am: Coffee is brewing..start laundry
throw in a load of towels...Does it get any better than this?

9:00am: Review list of errands

9:05am: Decide it is all too much much for me

take a nap

12:00pm: LOG ON to update THE EDGE!!

Well...That's my day so far..Robin Leach should be here any minute to interview me...I better get ready!!
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TGIF

1/5/99
You think that means "Thank God I'ts Friday"...well,since I have worked virtually every weekend for the past four years..I need to come up with another meaning for that acronym..let's see..."Thank God I'm Fat"...NOT!! well..how 'bout ..Thank goodness it's fried..nope,don't like that.."Thank God I'm FRISKY!!!" (won't the old man like that one!!) OK..I will stick with that for now..feel free to chime in!!

Where did that come from??I have no clue...I guess I am tired!! I stayed on the telephone last night until 2 am ...talking with my friend from work...who sadly,suffered a miscarriage on Wed. morning.I am sad for them..she is a strong women tho,she is the person that I leaned on the most when I lost Katie..she had lost her firstborn almost 10 years ago,and was full of insight and good advice.

Today was full of thought for me..I "noticed" more than I usually do....like,when I was driving to work @ 7:40 am I passed the school-bus..as I usually do ,on weekdays, the 4-way flashing lights were blinking ..THAT MEANS STOP!!! so I stopped..but..as soon as I sat there for a moment,waiting for the children to get on the big yellow bus.It occured to me that although I had stopped for the bus,I had not made a conscious decision to do so.It was more like a reflex!!

Then I thought about all of the things I do in 24 hours that I have done...so many times...over and over and over..that no longer require alot of thought or decision..but are merely "REFLEX's" I'm sure I could make a very long list!!

Then I thought..It would be so nice if everything in my life was like that..namely,I wish I could have an automatic exercise reflex..that would spring me out of bed each morning and hurl me directly onto the weight bench.A healthy and sane eating reflex would be good too.I know that I can develop these reflex's ..it will soon be second nature to me...as long as I am determined and don't give up!

Well...I hope you can understand my point...I may not be explaining my thoughts too coherantly...this may lack logic or reason...as I sit here and review my day in this sleep deprived daze...

Hang tough kids!! xxooDianna

PS...CALLNG ALL ON LINE DIET JOURNAL WOMEN!!! SEND ME YOUR LINKS IF YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO ADD YOU TO MY NEW LINK PAGE!
THANKS

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Sat..2:09am

So,on my way home from work yesterday ,I stopped @ Taco Bell ...I decided to take Kris taco's for dinner...Yeah,well,I never claimed to be June Cleaver..anyway..in front of me ,in the drive-thru line ..I noticed a car,a Toyota,with alot of neat bumperstickers..
("a women's place is in the house&the senate" ..."practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty"}

I also noticed the driver,a women who was about my size...the Taco Bell kid gave her a pretty good sized bag..and she drove to the parking lot across the street ..parked and started eating.Let me interject,that I usually do not pay such close attention to other people,who are innocently minding their own beezwax..usually I have so many things on my mind ..they just fade to the backround..but for some reason ,yesterday,I noticed alot of things ~

So,I have a flashback...to all the days and nights I would
drive-thru hop..eating alone in the car,but never in the parking lot of purchase...{too risky!!}And never ever INSIDE!! Suddenly,I realized,WOW!! I don't do that anymore!! I HAVE made progress!

Slowly but surely...making progress,hey! That's what it's all about,right?

xxoo

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Oh...what can the matter be????

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I am in the process of updating my LINKS

If you would like to include YOUR page
send me the INFO ......THANKS!!
Wanna go back??
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