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Has anyone ever gone to Sam's Club and gotten the wholesale TRIPLE DEATH BY CHOCOLATE CAKE?Listed on the box is the number of servings it contains...14 servings per cake..400 calories per be fair,I gave each of my personalities one serving...yes,all 12 of us had a piece,and Marge,the greedy one,had three servings,she's such a pig! is tough to climb back on the wagon once you fall off! To be serious tho,I really cannot explain what happened,I was going along just fine,exercising everyday,sticking to the eating plan and then BOOM! I lost it! Has anyone out there been thru the same thing?


Thursdays are always a is the day that A>I find out that I did not win millions of $$$ in the POWERBALL drawing ...and B>I have two days to clean the pen before the old man rolls in...I am doing Slim-Fast again..I am hoping to re-capture the feeling of hope and control I had in early December ...Wish me luck!

04/05/98 Hey..I just got back from a new Journal... here is the address: This is the new Journal started by Ruth...and I like it.

Well,it looks like I am starting school for a new far in this life I have been a receptionist,a pizza maker,an auto body painter,and most recently a portrait photographer. On May 11 I will start training to be a Tractor Trailer Driver.....go figure!!

The old man thinks it is a good idea...I will let you know how it goes.I guess I will have to get a laptop to keep doing the page.

Still doing slim-fast...I am going to post my weight again when I get back down to 223....

04/06/98 SO FAR SO GOOD TODAY,NO BINGES,THANK GAWD! I'm taking it one day @ a time...

04/07/98 Did you ever have the kind of friend that was just too good for this world? I had a friend like that once,his name was Rob,and he was a riot!He was a couple years younger than me.He loved to cook ,had a passion for it really,and aspired to be a CHEF,we got along great,altho I hate to cook,I like to eat. Any way,I was just thinking about Rob today..and the little things he always did to make me smile.Like... if I hadn't seen him for a few weeks,and we got together ,even if I had obviously gained 20 pounds and was busting outta my clothes,he'd say " D,, look've lost weight ...I can tell!"So what if he was lying his ass off...he made me feel great just the same! My wish today is that everyone has at least one Rob in their life to make them smile,and to tell them little- nice- lies!

....and one day you wake up and realize..."hey,they ain't gonna interrupt the regularly scheduled program when I kick-off!!!".....Dianna1998


Things are not going well..I have to go to Wal*Mart and REBUY all the contents of what was supposed to be my son's Easter Basket..Yes..that is LOWER than LOW...I ate all the F@(#&*^! EASTER CANDY!!! Why do I admit this ?? I even ate the god-awful blue marshmallow chickies!! I HATE MARSHMALLOW CHICKIES!! In fact I refused to eat them as a child...I left them in the basket until they were as hard as little blue and yellow rocks and could be used as weapons!!What the hell am I doing? and WHY?? Some one wrote me an E-mail and said I was her INSPIRATION to finally go to the gym and to stay ON PROGRAM....HUH!!! All I am doing these days is inspiring mothers everywhere to knock over Juniors Easter basket!!! HELP!!SOS!!!SEND A THERAPIST!!!


I am thinking of writing the CADBURY COMPANY a letter and insisting they put an FDA warning on the 8 pack of CREAM EGGS...WARNING:consuming the entire package in one sitting will give you BAD DREAMS and you may have the desire to hurl yourself off of a tall building immediately after consumption! That was,I am doing well so far..... This whole weight issue is starting to play games with my mind...I feel like I am constantly in a BATTLE with...WHO? ....MYSELF? The thin me and the fat me? The good me and the bad me? The conscious and the sub-conscious?? Why is this so DIFFICULT? I should be able to DECIDE to be thin and JUST DO IT! I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO TO BE THIN!!!So,why all the starts and stops??


I finally got all the clocks set ahead one hour,well ,the major ones any way except for the car, I have been thinking all week,wow,I am not as late as I thought I was....and the VCR's don't count...because the clocks on those blink all year anyway. only 5 more days till the mad dash to the post-office for the GRAND MIDNIGHT MAILING OF THE TAX PAPERS!!... I have to loose 10 pounds to get back to the place I was last month!! I gain weight ALOT faster than I loose it!!


Today ,when I was dressing,and trying to get myself into the jeans that were just starting to feel comfortably loose a few weeks ago.I had an image in my mind of what I must have looked like....Mabe someone playing an imaginary game of twister with herself!!I think I probably could have qualified to be a guest on the Letterman show's STUPID HUMAN TRICKS SEGMENT!!!! "KID"S "...he'd say..."DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!!" I will be out of town all week starting Monday,probably down south..some truckstops have AOL I may be able to say hi from the road. Have A groovy Easter!!!!


Greetings from North Carolina...this truck stop has a computer with AOL access for .25 cents a minute...I need to get a laptop!!! And I need to "type fast!" Day one in the big truck started out ok...we did 2 slimfast and had a sensible dinner.Day 2 we lost it!Thanks to Denny's new TROFT O"BREAKFAST SIZZLERS,ok,so that is not the real name ,but it mine as well be! We have been driving all night and need to sleep at least 6 hours before we can drive another couple hundred miles.I learned how to check the oil and inspect the various parts for cracks and leaks.I learned how to pee going 65 miles an hour too...but that's another story!!...If you see two very tired looking hefty people in a dark blue Freightliner...honk and wave!!

04/16/98 I have a new journal link for you.... ..... I love the address..O2BTHIN... I wrote Sally a note to tell her I was going to put that on my license plates....check it out if you want. I came home is boring in the Big Truck when you cannot legally drive...and I wont be able to drive legally until I go to school and pass the exam.More stress..just what I need!!My son is @ his grandmother's just outside of Baltimore for spring break...and he left his Easter Basket here at home....Gawd help me!!!

04/18/98 I have been all over the place since I last checked in !! I left for Atlantic City on the spur of the moment Thursday night...drove all night arrived @ 4am and proceeded to drop quarters three at a time into a slot machine that was as cold as ice!!! Did I stop???nooooooooo that would not be in my compulsive nature...I continued to dump quarters until I ran out of money and had to hit the Bank Machine....I stopped playing around 7 am and wandered around in a sleep deprived daze for an hour..went to the breakfast buffet...and then back to the casino...TRUMPS TAJ MAHAL .I left so much money in that joint I think it will cover Donalds' May alimony payment to Marla!!!! Did I learn my lesson?? Let's just say halfway down Atlantic City Expressway I had already planned a Mother's Day Gambling retreat.That's when I plan to win it all back...ha-ha!! My master plan!!! Then it was off to Maryland to pick up my son @ my mother's ..a/k/a The self proclaimed " PRINCESS OF GRASONVILLE " stayed the night there and had to shove off early in order to have Kris back to Berkley Springs ,WV for his first baseball game of the season. Now all I want to do is sleep!

04/20/98 I feel like I have not accomplished anything this month...I look back and think...what a waste! Starting today I am going back on program {renewing the commitment} I will stick to the eating plan and walk two miles!! You are my witness...

04/21/98 Wide awake in dreamland!!! It is 3:59 am Tuesday morning and I am WIRED!! Go figure! I did VERY WELL Monday!! I am pleased to announce I stayed ON PROGRAM...and I hope to do as well today..even though I have been in INSOMNIA CITY all night! I only had 2 cups of coffee. too much Java isn't the culprit.....Mabe it was all the exercise and healthy eating!! Must have been a shock to my system after my weekend of sin! In other 13 year old son decided he wants to dye his hair White Blonde...but only the top of his head...the shaved part he wants to leave dark brown...Oh Gawd help me!! I think it is just a matter of time before we end up on the Montel Williams show...and they will flash all of Kris's baby pictures and pre-teen pictures up on the screen..".THE- oh-so-cute- PICTURES" from the days before he was a FREAK and then they will BLAME IT ALL ON ME...THE MOTHER ALWAYS GET'S THE BLAME...then Montel will hand me the box of Kleenex...while I sob hysterically...and stammer..".but HIS DAD let him get that first pair of jeans that were so oversized the whole family could wear them at the same time!!!! I swear Montel!!!!" Then the camera will pan in ...with a tight shot of Kris... Montel will inquire "Kris,Why oh why are you dressing like a club-kid-freak?" .....and my son will reply: " is because MY MOTHER ATE all of MY EASTER CANDY!"

{Sleep deprivation makes me ramble...sorry... }

04/23/98 Wow,it is Thursday and I have not deviated from the plan at all this week...I am so glad!...I met a friend for lunch yesterday was SO GREAT!! We hadn't seen eachother in over 3 years,and had been talking on line and decided to meet ...She looks great ..she has lost a bunch of weight...We went to ,geez,I can't remember the name of the place,but I know that they give the customers a bucket of peanuts and expect them to throw the shells on the floor...seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen to me!..I made a discovery yesterday..I had grilled chicken and a baked potato..BUT ...I was SO excited to see Diane that I could have cared less about the plate in front of me ! Didn't even think about what they may have had on the dessert menu.This makes me suspect that it is true what they say about "emotional " eating....When I am happy I do not even care about food......I gotta get Happy...alot more often!!

04/24/98 Still doing great ...this is the start of day number 5 without going off program...I can hear the THEME SONG to ROCKY playing in my head....da-da-da GOING STRONG NOW...DAH DAH DAH..humm along with me now...dah -dah- dah... This is a good thing..for the last few weeks the only theme song that I could relate to was that screeching music in PSYCHO...

04/25/98 Ok if I can make it thru the weekend I will be ok! The guy I shack up with know,my husband ,the trucker ,will be rolling in any minute. I hope he is in a healthy life-style frame of mind this weekend!He said he stayed on program all week...that is when I worry the most,because he thinks if he was "good " all week it merits US a trip to Dunkin Donuts or the Out Back... I think I will greet him @ the door with his a big smile and his walking shoes.A couple miles around the track will be good for us this morning! Of course his idea of a perfect wife would be one who greets him at the door dressed only in Saran Wrap with a gallon of ice cold milk in one hand and a dozen Boston Cream Donuts in the other. In fact..ya know that old trucker song "EIGHTEEN WHEELS AND A DOZEN ROSES" he sings that to me all the time on the phone...but he changed the words to "EIGHTEEN WHEELS AND A DOZEN DONUTS" .....I love him anyway!

04/27/98 Great news.I stayed on program all weekend...we stayed away from fast food .Sunday, I prepared chicken breast and broccoli and imposter potato's (we were out of real potato's ..had to do the flakes) I was expecting a phone call from the manager of Domino's ..I am sure they got worried about us when they did not get our usual weekend orders.They must think we are outta town again. We took a friend of ours to the Charles Town Races Sat. night.They have first he was appalled at the amount of money he lost ...about $40.oo then he discovered you could "let-it-ride" on the Blackjack game he was playing...he lost $100 bucks in one machine then went to another and was up $200 ...we had to drag him outta there!! talk to ya tommorow...

I know I'm NOT fit...but did I need to find out EXACTLY how fat I am??


Dearest Readers... I have so many things to write about I do not know where to start!! I had a sleepless may be the new vitamins I am taking..they contain Ginseng or bee pollen or something that's spozed to give me boundless energy!! Here is the condensed version of my Monday night...

7:40 pm-Took the videos back to the store ...40 minutes late..the kid at the store was just happy that I re-wound & brought the boxes back this time and didn't charge me the customary late fee.

8:15 pm-Had a discussion with my son about why it is not safe for him to dye his eyebrows to match his fresh new haircolor..and NO shaving them off is NOT an option.

8:30 pm-Started to put dishes away,realized LOVEBOAT was sailing without me and immediately abandoned dishes to watch the last 30 minutes of the show.

9:00 pm- Realized the batteries died in my remote control and TV wasn't worth that much effort...went back to dishes.

9:15 pm- Did checks,permission slips and baseball uniforms.

9:30 pm- Had a lowfat granola bar snack.Signed on to AOL

This is where I loose track of time....I signed on to some health and nutrition site."ARE YOU FIT OR FAT?" the following is an excerpt....

~*Once upon a  time, all you had to do to find out if you were fit was look up your ideal weight in a chart.

Those days are gone.

Today fitness is measured not by how big you are, but by what you're made of. In other words, it's not what you weigh, it's how much of your weight is fat.*~

OK..I MADE THE MISTAKE OF TRYING THE" HANDY FAT CALCULATOR!!!!!!" entered height weight and a couple measurements.... (I knew I was fat before I punched my stats into it..but there is nothing like seeing it in "16 bit high color" to really get the point across!)


~All your results show the same thing: You're carrying too much weight and far too much fat for your own good.

Not even your heart-friendly pear body type can counteract this combination. Your high BMI and high body-fat percentage are putting you at risk for a range of serious health problems, including diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure.~

PEAR SHAPED INDEED!!! HUH!!( I have always thought of myself as an oversized hourglass shape!) So then I put in my GOAL WEIGHT AND MEASUREMENTS...150 ..and it said the same nasty things!!

If you want to try out this TACKY little is @

However,it put me in a DREADFUL mood! The next time I wanna torture myself and have the truth smack me in the face I'm gonna skip that site and call my least I can reverse the charges!!!

04/30/98 Well,still doing ok.haven't weighed in jeans feel loose tho...that's a good sign.I have not had a binge ..and I am way happy about that. Right now I have four very loud teenagers in my humble abode....I feel VERY OUT-NUMBERED!! The Domino's guy just left..I was tempted to go with him.