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Happy    first    day    of    June....

06/01/98 ..I am so not in the mood to journal,I guess that is when I should journal most. I have been so busy...I tried to update earlier than this but TRIPOD gave me the" E-GADS we are having a slight problem error message"...let me ask you something...does anyone actually say "E-Gads?" Does anyone know what that means? Is it like a nice polite way to say "OH MY GAWD??" Is it like when MOM -MOM Berardino used to say" OOOHH SSHHHugar!!" When she really wanted to say "oh shit" but she refrained so as not to be a bad example to her young impressionable great grandchildren?

Ok..I checked the handy online dictionary and yes..it is an exclamation used for "oh god" and dates back to 1637.. Mabe it is a regional thing..and I never heard that expression much growing up in Baltimore..I am in such a heinous MOOD!! Probably because I haven't had a decent piece of chocolate since Easter! In fact I have not had a decent piece of ANYTHING since Easter!

I have been so good on the program ..both eating and activity wise..The workout clothes that were originally so tight that I looked like an Italian sausage.... are officially baggy!!So,I should be happy... I'm gonna go work on getting happy... light a candle for me.!!

06/07/98

Well kids..sorry it has been so long since my last entry.The old man's truck bit the dust this week(it has been in the shop) So,he has been home all week and we have been running around and doing husband and wife things.It is expensive when he is home and goes shopping with me...we went to Wal*Mart to simply exchange some underwear..it should have cost us $2.67 for the difference in price..well,we checked out with $200.oo worth of items!! We got sunglasses,and an attractive new Honeywell window fan...socks and more undies..." hon,look they are on sale" he noted..."we should stock up!" I figure we can go roughly 2.5 months without having to laundry now.If you need socks or underwear..call us...we got plenty of extras! My husband is the card carrying shop till ya drop member of this family...We have 5 gallons of sandwhich stacker pickles in the fridge..not to mention the two jumbo jars of applesauce or the three gallons of Aunt Jemima pancake syrup and enough pancake mix to feed Ethiopia.What does he have to say for himself when I confront him about his Sam's Club habit? "But hon..It was such a bargain!" I may just accidently "loose" his Sam's Club membership card for him next time I wash it.

Doing ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL on the eating and activity plan...so wonderful it is amost scary..I am starting to think I actually DO have several personalities and this one is SUPER Strong and determined and has taken over!! I really like this chick..I hope she stays around for a long-long time!! I wonder if I should make a new screen name and E-mail address for this personality..how 'bout Wanda the Wonderwomen @ whattawomen.com?? I am knocking wood and lighting a candle while writing this! (ps..I have STILL not weighed in..but it must be helping me..I have gone from a size 24 jeans down to a size 16..I wear my jeans on the snug side..but hey,I can get them zipped straight from the dryer and without laying down on the bed!!}

Stay strong sisters...if I can do this..trust me..anyone can!!

06/23/98

Dear Readers...It is I...your long lost journal-er...yes..After being locked out of Tripod..getting kicked off of AOL...(for life) due to a terms of service violation commited by my teenage son..{.the crime: entering an illegal AVI chat room}...I have no clue what an AVI chat room is...and if it is so damn illegal why the heck is it on AOL anyway? He claims he was invited to a member chat via instant message...and did not know he was breaking any rules...go figure... So anyway..I am currently writing this entry after figuring out that I can hack into my mom's account....and signing on as a guest from my computer .... I am looking for a new on line service and I may move the page from Tripod too..but it will take a little while. For now I have no E-mail..so if you wanna get in touch just leave me a message in the guestbook and I will e- mail you from my sister-in -laws address when I hack in again...I have been so busy lately,between work and home stuff... My son has been ill..he has had ITP since he was 5 .. ITP is an immune disorder that causes his blood platelets to be destroyed by anti-platelet antibodies. His count was very low..(9000 to be exact) normally people have hundreds of thousands of platelets..When he is running low on platelets there is a big risk of internal bleeding from an injury or a spontaneous bleed in the brain...and he bruises alot...So he went to John's Hopkins in Baltimore to get a new treatment...so far so good..his count is up to 119,000...he needs to be tested every few days now..and return to Hopkins July 13..I am of course knocking wood...and praying.. In weight related news...I am doing very well. Still remaining strong...although I still don't know why it has been so easy...and my binge urges have TOTALLY dissapeared!!!! I have NO CLUE!!! I wish I could tell you how I am doing it...all I can figure is that I am still doing the positive self talk thing..and I gave myself permission to eat whatever I want...there is no forbidden food..The shocker is that I have not wanted chocolate or any of the usual suff...I have been sticking to fish or chicken or egg whites 6 0r more ounces...and any kind of veggies steamed..with ICBINB spray.And staying away from sugar and starches... The old man is totally off the wagon...and being the KING of SABOTAGE!! He has ordered in twice...pizza ,subs,etc. I don't know what's up exactly..but I think it is the stress of being an Owner Operator and all the expenses with the big truck...he is thinking of selling and just driving for someone else locally. I have a new job...I am now a prep cook for Ruby Tuesday ..it just opened..I have not even been tempted by all the awesome goodies!! I will liken this to an alcoholic working as a bartender..I know it was a crazy choice...but they offered "day 1 " health insurance..and we really needed it.

I am the fattest employee in the whole joint..and I am trying not to dwell on that.I am praying everyday that I keep going like this..and hoping that depression stays far-far away from me..I am not on any medication...I am trying to deal with it naturally...I have had so much energy lately...I just love these little manic phases...

My feet are kiling me..let me ask you something...is it possible that I have carpal tunnel of the feet??

I got a view of myself in a mirror and I thought I looked ok ...then I turned around and looked @ my butt...my plus sized gitanos are NOT VERY flattering to my' butt!!! I prefer to think that the pocket placement sucks!! However, I think the truth might be that my butt is not in the same place that I left it a few years ago...it has moved south and I don't think it is coming back up for the winter!!! I gotta look for some new jeans...I think these are the size sixteen "relaxed fit" but they look like a "stressful fit" on me.I am going to k-mart or Wal Mart this weekend to look for new jeans. ..or mabe Fashion Bug..I don't want to spend alot of money because I want to be in size 10 's or 12's... ultimately...eventually...It can happen!! I can do it!!

Well,I know that was kinda wordy...but we had some catching up to do...I hope to be back to daily entries soon.

HANG TOUGH SISTERS!!


icandoit!icandoit!icandoit!icandoit!icandoit!icandoit!

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DIANNA

kandlestix@aol.com