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MERIDIA    COMMERCIALS...almost    as    good    as    Hallmark,AT&T    and    the    MORMON    ads!!

03/03/99

Have you seen the new MERIDIA commercials on television? They are just as clever as the Hallmark spots! My old man chokes up and looks away,just like when he watches Old Yeller .

He always says,"Hon ,we really need to get some of that" "look,real fat people,just like us,on the beach with long pants and shirts,just like us!' He also wants to convert to Mormon every time he sees a commercial that was brought to us by The Church of Christ and the Latter Day Saints,but then I remind him that Mormons don't indulge in Coke or chocolate,and that would not be a practical choice for us.

Anyway...my point was supposed to be that I am seriously thinking about going on Meridia...mabe,God knows my willpower needs some help! But I need to read up on it some more,and then I have to find a Dr. that is willing to prescribe it for us!

03/05/99

First I would like to clear up a tidbit of mis-information I gave you..Mormons are not the deprived sister's I thought they were...this just in from ...well,I'll call her "Sister S" since I did not personally ask her if I could use her e-mail on my page...

Sister "S" writes:

I wanted to tell you I am Mormon and we do indulge in Coke and chocolate, it is the coffee and tea we dont drink, not because of the caffeine but because of the chemical in the beans in the coffee and the toxins in the tea leaves. Anyhow I love chocolate and pepsi. Just thought I would share that with you.

Thank-you Sister "S" I do appreciate you sharing that with me!! I grew up with a girl whose family was Mormon,and she was never allowed the aforementioned treats,that is why I thought it to be true.

New topic: NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TELL YOUR FRIENDS AT WORK YOU ARE DIETING!!!!Especially if they have FAKE FATTIE TRAITS!!!

Here is the long story short: My best friend at work..ok,she is more than that,she is my best friend outside of work too...{except for my friend of 25 years Patty Ann Smithers-Cavanaugh} Victoria is the only friend who knows all about me ...and loves me anyway!

Well,anyway,she was with the old man and I for our "last good-bye to the food world @ Outback" So,she knew the following day we were to start religiously following our program.

I started out OK...but then ,some SICK-O brought 3 dozen Boston Cream Donuts to work!! I no sooner had that donut up to my lips....when who should appear outta nowhere??

VICTORIA a/k/a THE FOOD POLICEWOMAN FROM HELL!!!! I swear,she had some kinda ESP going on that day..."Step away from the Donut,put your hands in the air..DROP IT!!"

VICK: "What are you doing? That's not on your diet?"

ME: "I know Vick "

VICK: "You don't see me eating a donut ...do you?"

ME: "No Vick,I don't,Does that mean I can have your's too?"

What the hell was I thinking?? I don't care how desperate you become sister's...do not imply to your friends that you need help..diet secretly...SECRETLY....I swear...I will never take leave of my senses again...from now on...I am going back in the closet at work...I will only be "out" to my sister's on the Net!!!

sssssssshhhhhh remember...keep it to yourself,or you'll be SORRY!!


GREETINGS FROM THE EDGE!!~WHEN YOUR'E MAD ENOUGH TO SEND your very WORST!!

From: Teresa (brownell@beeline.ca) Date: Mon Mar 8 17:19:07 1999 Professional Writing

Dianna, you are funny and a realist. You know what life for the average person is like. Have you ever thought of writing professionally? You would be great...you are a great writer...from the heart.

Way to go Dianna! You are an inspiration to all women.

03/10/99

Dear Teresa, Thanks for the compliment! Average is my specialty!Yes,I have thought of writing,especially when I was younger.In fact,I wanted to write GREETING CARDS. Not sappy old everyday cards,but real -life cards. Back in the early 90's I even designed some cards on my trusty word processor. But after showing them to my friends I became discouraged.The popular opinion was :The world is not ready for your cheap ,tacky and tawdry line of realism.

A sample or two:

FRONT:

A BEAUTIFUL OCEAN SCENE...WAVES CRASHING ONTO ROCKS,SUNSET...

"THANKS..."

INSIDE:

"YOU REALLY SCREWED UP MY LIFE"

and.....

Picture of a HAPPY COUPLE on the front..the women has bleached blonde hair and a mini-skirt..

FRONT: Thanks for dumping me after all these years for that skinny Tammy-Faye looking SLUT!!

INSIDE: I hope she gives you a raging case of HERPES and the day after they find a cure I hope you both get hit by a MAC truck!!!

Ok..I admit,I was full of rage back in those days..but,I'm telli'n ya ..I still think they would have sold like hot-cakes.

On to other news..We are covered in snow here on the East Coast. I left work 4 hours early today..stopped @ Wal*Mart..looked @ Easter Candy ..remained strong..went home on the interstate (81) it was covered with snow!! I am in the slow lane,flashers on going 20 miles an hour while occasionally sticking my squeegee out the window to clear a space in the snow covered windshield.(yes,the wipers are still broken)I am thinking all the way home.."I should have gotten that big box of Tasty-Kakes to go with this gallon of skim milk" I could get in a 15 car pile-up and croak,and my last meal would have been grilled fish and broccoli {without butter!!!}

I made it home in one piece.The old man is coming up from Florida,he was in Georgia this morning,he should be in Carolina by now.He will probably get stuck in the snow in Richmond for the night and for what was supposed to be our day off tommorow!! I am SO MAD that he took this run!! I asked him not to!! I gotta go design a clever greeting card,just for him!!

xxooDianna

March 18,1999

Oh where does the time go sister's? This month has whizzed by!! Well..let's see,what's new and different? The almost foot of snow that fell last week is almost melted.The sun is shining and it is 70 degrees here on the East coast...Why the weather report you ask? Well..although I don't much care for the very cold winters..I DO appreciate the COSTUME. That's right...long sleeves,long pants..jackets...they hide a multitude of sin!! Now,I fear EXPOSURE!! No coats..short sleeve's..spring wardrobe agony..to be followed closely by SUMMER APPARELL HELL!! Yes,the time of year that we are expected to adorn our bodies'in SHORTS tank tops and other attire designed by cruel and evil people.

I was visiting my camera happy sister- in- law and much to my dismay,I found several pictures taken back in October...oh!! What a shocker!! I looked HIDEOUS!! Me and all three of my chins!! My picture was worth a thousand words..and all of them started with "F" !!(@*$^& INSTANT BAD MOOD!! just add photograph and stir!!This was one KODAK moment I could of done without!!

OK all I'm doing is complaining..surely I can find a topic to be positive about......

thinking....ok,still thinking,searching...digging deep....

03/19/99

I should be at the kitchen table writing out checks for all of the turn off notices,but I would rather write!! Hey,it's bad enough that I gotta go sling hash for 10 or 11 hours today!! Fridays and Saturdays are my long days @ work...the starving masses of Martinsburg depend upon me and my co-workers to feed them for a small fee!!

Did I tell you I finally tried my hand @ "Serving" the other day? It went alright,but I don't think I'll be making a career out of it.I still remember the names of a few of the friendlier guests.

Rosco and Trish ..They ordered the Ribs and a Sampler and the salad bar. I think I was approaching this serving thing more from a consumer angle than a salesperson's .I brought a huge dinner plate for the salad bar and told them to SHARE so they did not have to pay for two salads. Then poor Rosco did not finish his Ribs. "Geez ,I spent all day cooking those ribs!!" I told him!! "Well,no dessert for you Rosco!! Trish wanted a beverage refill and I pointed out she may not be able to finish her dinner if she filled up on Iced Tea.Luckily they both had a great sense of humor!! But,it's back to the kitchen for me!! I know the public is not quite ready for me!

My son is growing like a weed! He has recently grown several inches taller than me..I know he is a teenager,but when I look at him all I see is the face of a little two year old boy.. asking for another story.I have to get a grip!!He is growing weary of my over protective nature.I think I may have to break down and let him start crossing the street by himself .

"God Mom! I'm the only 14 year old that still has to come inside the minute the street lights come on!!"

"Oh yeah..well you'll thank me one day when your friends are the victims of a "DRIVE BY" or "GANG VIOLENCE"..or

"Mom,we live in West Virginia,not New York City!!What do you think some crack-addicted farmer is gonna gun me down from his John Deer Tractor?"

"Did you brush your teeth young man?"

"Don't change the subject Mother,you always change the subject when you know I'm right!"

" That's just not true!! By the way,are you finished your homework?"

Bumper Sticker Idea : "INSIDE ME IS A THIN BEAUTIFUL WOMEN JUST SCREAMING TO GET OUT!! BUT SHE CAN USUALLY BE SEDATED WITH A FEW CANDY BARS!!!"

03/26/99

Greetings dear Sister's ...oh...what can the matter be??? I have had a very...uuummm...SUCKY week..that is putting it mildly.Let's see...I despise my vocation {cook,clean,cook,clean,and on a good day to break up the monotony I get to unload the tractor trailer of food and supplies,or rotate*oh joy* the produce!!!}

The break-point of my week came when a co-worker brought in his much anticipated newborn,they stoped by on the way home from the hospital.Oh, Ashley Paige is the most darling baby,perfect skin coloring,gorgeous blue eyes,and a full head of dark brown hair! She weighed 8 # 7 ozs. I went to the dining room to meet her and give my heartfelt congratulations to the proud parents.I was fine the whole time I was out there.. then I got back to the kitchen and started working on my big mamma batch of Passionate(rice)Pilaf...and I started sobbing hysterically.....It hit me like a ton of bricks!! Katie should have been a month old...and home with me,I should not be here making this FRICKEN PILAF!! I should be home!! Nursing my daughter,complaining about not being able to get a decent nights sleep and how my old man can't change a diaper to save his life!! I went out to the back dock and tried to pull myself together...a co-worker saw me and I used the old "damn pollen count is sky-high excuse" allergies! Another co-worker saw me and assumed I had just sliced my daily 30# of onion straws...man..I can't believe I loose control so easily! Anyway..I am doing better now...as normal as I can be,considering I am a women on the edge.

03/31/99

Well..it is that time of year again!! The DREADED trip to see our accountant...we affectionately call him "ELMER the AMAZING" I'ts not like we made so much money that we can't count it ourselves..in fact I think if you put our actual income on paper,we would qualify for food-stamps and goverment cheese!!!

But before we go outta town a quick phone call:


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thanks for the visit..... If I knew you were coming,I would have made a cake!!